We all have a whinge every now and then aimed at ourselves! We are mostly our own biggest critics after all. And I say mostly, because I fully respect there are those out there who just don't give a damn about what others think about them - I salute you. For the rest of us though it's only natural that we aren't always completely happy with some aspect or other in our lives.
For the most part that's okay, but what happens with those recurring whinges? We end up using lines like "I'll start tomorrow/next week/in the new year..." or "If only I had more time..." as you sit scrolling through the Facebook feed. We look in the mirror, we frown and then we might strike a pose or two sucking in the gut or angling ourselves so we don't see the double chin. And then we sigh, turn around and walk away from not just our reflection, but ourselves as well. I've been there, I've don't it many times - so trust me when I say "I know what it's like."
For the last couple of years for various reasons I became the bottom of the food chain, my needs and wants put last, time and time again. Thus, my vicious cycle of a RUT began. Too much comfort eating, too much stress and too little self-love. Not a healthy combination by anyone's standards. And yes, it is all a matter of perspective. What I found to be an extremely difficult time, someone else may have breezed through. But I am sure I am not alone out there.
I began with baby steps last year when I decided to 'Change it up'. This year, I have started with a bang. My perspective has changed, my priorities have changed and above all else, my passion has changed. But it wasn't easy to get there. I started with the only way I knew how. LISTS. My poor anxiety riddled mind couldn't survive without them. If it wasn't written down, I wouldn't do it.
Lists formed a major part of my internal growth, and I literally scheduled in rest and recovery sessions such as reading a book in the bath. This simple act helped refill a gaping hole within. I'm talking a microscopic section though. I had to work hard at finding other ways to help break out of my RUT.
I also engaged in a writing course, re-igniting one of my deep passions. That of words. This lead to listening to the course instructions, and journal writing daily, as well as adding to my first novel. It was as though each completed section of writing replaced a black void with warmth. I was becoming alive on the inside again. But even having time for this writing, came at the anxious cost of having it on the list, and feeling defeated if I didn't get it done for the day.
Ergo, my next step to loving myself and valuing my time. I got rid of the dreaded to do list. Believe me, that list is never going to end, it will only be replaced by more and more items so I chose to eliminate yet another aspect of my life that would constantly bury me. Now, I only use lists if I'm compiling lists of books I want to read, or if I have a family function and we are hosting, to ensure that I get all the essentials done, I use a list. But if I trusted myself, I would be able to remember it all, but now I can confidently say I write a list purely to free up space in my brain and to allow time to rest in between tasks.
I still had to schedule though, to ensure that I had time to do the things I really want to do. The things that were going to nurture my soul. This was me changing and making the decision to consciously ensure that I was placing myself higher up the pecking order. It was a choice I made - No more whinging!!
By taking that first step, I was able to work my way through to a point where there are two things I schedule each day - and that's my 5:30 am workout and my work day. Everything else beyond that is left open to what calls me at the time. It feels like freedom to me.
And then I stop to think every once in a while, as to where I would be right now if I didn't change my daily outlook on life. I would still be in that dreaded cycle of a RUT.
If I can take the step and out of a ditch I thought I would be in forever, and change. Surely there are others out there, who, with the right encouragement from themselves, can put there hand up and say 'it's MY time to change.'
Kirstin O'Donovan (below) highlights both the good and the bad points and also contributes suggestions as to how lists can be used in beneficial way.
Although I am still old school in regards to using a paper planner and she encourages the digital, the pointers are relevant for either approach.
I stumbled across my beautiful life planner on Etsy and although it encourages lists, they are ones that are thoughtful, meaningful and above all else help you find that time for yourself.
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